|> Fun >|
|In praise of Rodney Dangerfield|
Could anyone fire off more jokes in less time with more winners than him?
|Note: He also has a line of jokes about ugly women and using 'gay' as a slur. We'll let those themes die off.||"I tell ya, I don't get no respect."|
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, "What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?
My wife likes to talk during sex. Last night she called me from the hotel.
My wife and I are bad at making love, very bad. Last time we got booed by a peeping Tom.
My wife signed me up for a bridge club. I jump off next week.
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!
My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
My doctor told me to walk 5 miles a day. After two weeks I called him up and said, "Doc, I'm 70 miles from home, what do I do?"
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I never have any luck. My rich aunt died - in the will she claims I owe her $30 bucks.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I met the Surgeon General. He offered me a cigarette.
I played the slots in Vegas. It came up three prunes.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
|Last modified 12/13/17; posted 10/8/12; original content. © 2017, 2012 John P. Nordin|